Charles Graham Adam

When the news came through on RAWK that Charlie Adam has signed for Liverpool Football club I was elated. I felt such a feeling of joy in my heart that I had a pseudo religious experience. Into a large man-sized tissue, that I had - at the last minute - found in my Wrangler jeans.

And then it all became so clear.

I suddenly felt at one with the world. I felt that my body and soul were part of a greater system of existence. I felt that I was on a higher plane and that nothing could ever supersede this feeling. Not even being given a large multi-pack of Flamin' hot Monster Munch. It was then that I truly began to understand what it is to be human.

And what it is about Liverpool Football Club that transends the mortal human soul.

You see, Charlie Adam did not have control over his feelings. Like a teenager in the flush of first love, Charles Graham Adam's head was in the clouds the moment he heard of the King's interest. He could not sleep. He could not eat. He could only think of the king and Liverpool Football Club.

Like a moth drawn to the light, like a bored man drawn to midget porn on the internet, and like a salmon drawn upstream to the calm pools of the mating chamber, Charles Graham Adam was drawn to the hallowed halls of Anfield.

Into the chamber of the King.

As King Kenny delicately, yet masterfully, intricately yet forcefully, passively yet directly assembles a title winning side he somehow takes on an ethereal quality. He rises above the minnions, scratching around at ground level for the dregs of the football world. He rises above us all and we raise our faces to him in trembling awe.

Ready for what He has to give us. All over our grills.

I pray to him and give thanks.
Dear King Kenny
This Gift...
Thank you for this gift,
Which you've bestowed to us,

This gift is life,
Life Eternally
Creation by your hands,
And the blood of your wrist.

I beg of you,
To live your life,
For all of those,
Who've been deprived.

I beg of you,
To live your life,
For those who've cried,
and been deprived

Of This precious gift,
The most precious gift,
The gift of Charles Graham Adam